forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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