So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
