we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
