i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
