i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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