Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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