Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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