Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
