My first STD was from a foam party
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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