Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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