Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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