i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
