we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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