Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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