distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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