I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
