I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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