I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
