im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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