Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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