i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
