You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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