ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
His hands were made for my vagina.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
