friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
