I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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