I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
