it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
