its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
