Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
