Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
