i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
