Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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