If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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