I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
