Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
