Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
