That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
