Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
