Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
