i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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