i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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