where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
