I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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