He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
