I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
