4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
