you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
