do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
