I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
