There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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