Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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