im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
