1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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