i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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