Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
