nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
