he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
