a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
