clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
