no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
