Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
